Writing
Why the conversation is the hard part
Essays on attention, on what swiping trained us to look for, and on why the conversations that decide a relationship are the ones nobody ever practises.
August 12, 2026 · 6 min read
The eight second attention span is a myth. What is actually happening is worse.
Everyone has heard that humans now have a shorter attention span than a goldfish. The number is invented. The real research says something less catchy and much more useful for anyone trying to have a hard conversation.
August 11, 2026 · 7 min read
Swiping taught a generation to audition people
A dating app asks you to judge a person from a photograph in about a second. That is not a small change in how people meet. It is training in evaluating human beings, and it makes the conversations that follow harder than they used to be.
August 10, 2026 · 7 min read
The question couples cannot answer, and what to ask instead
Ask a couple preparing for marriage whether anything about their partner bothers them and they will tell you, sincerely, that nothing does. Twenty minutes later one of them mentions the lip smacking. Here is what I think is happening, and what to ask instead.
None of this is counselling, and reading it is not a substitute for saying any of it out loud to someone who knows you.